love me or leave me alone

"i don’t know too much. i don’t know how many miles are in between the earth and the sun or how many grains of sugar are in my morning coffee, i just know there’s a lot. i don’t know when the sun rises or when it sets, i just know it does and i know it’s beautiful. i don’t know the names of my neighbors or the name of the boy with the green eyes who rang up my groceries today, i just know they exist. i don’t know much about this world, i just know i’m living in it, and i’m trying my best. but i know i love you and i know it’s not the same and i know you don’t even think about me anymore but i know every time i pass you in the halls or see you laugh, i feel a pain i don’t understand. i know this pain originates in the pit of my stomach and i know it ends up making my heart feel as if it’s beating out of my chest and i know it makes my head start to pound and i know my eyes start to water, but i don’t know why. i don’t know if it’s because there’s a lot of you in my heart. i don’t know if it’s because you’re the sun and i’m the earth and we’re miles apart but i need you closer. i don’t know if it’s because you rise and set in my mind just as the sun does in the morning and the evening. i don’t know if it’s because you’re beautiful and i miss being able to call you mine. i don’t know if it’s because knowing someone like you exists makes me anxious. i don’t know, i really don’t. i just know i’m sick of missing you but i know this feeling isn’t going to disappear soon because i know a love like this doesn’t ever fade, it just becomes lesser versions of itself until one day another love overpowers it. and with that, i know i’ll always love you."